Random Squeegee: Amateur Poetry Corner

Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Amateur Poetry Corner

The year is 1997. I'm sitting at my desk in sixth period Creative Writing class, about to pass in my assignment, "Poems for Every Occassion: Wretched Little Poems about Misery and Depression." Hmm...I don't think I'd found my happy place yet. Let's take a look, shall we?

Manic Depressive
I wonder why I'm still alive;
How did I manage to survive
As this sad and lonely soul?

Every day it only gets worse
I just can't seem to end this curse --
I've been jailed for life without parole.

If only I were someone who
Wasn't me at all, but someone new
Then I'd throw the old me on the coal.

But all I'll ever be is me
And I guess that's not the worst I could be.
Look at me -- I'm on a roll!

This living stuff isn't so bad
Just look at all the fun I've had
As this sad and lonely soul.

Okay, that was interesting. Kind of like a song from a Disney movie. I could definately picture a gopher voiced by Kurt Russel singing that. Let's look at another one.

Memories
I hate memories.
they bring nothing but pain --
Sadness;
The torture of
Remembering times when
Things were better
And knowing
They can never be that way
Again.
Memeories can destroy you --
They have the power
To take control of you
And leave you

stranded

In the past.
I hate memories.

All right, so I had some issues. Who didn't at that age? How about these ones...

But I Do
Her lying lips
Her cunning eyes
Her blackened heart
That never cries.
Her poison smile
Her piercing stare
The soft touch of
Her toxic hair.
Her evil skin
Her calming voice
She made me love her
I had no choice.
Her deceiving ways
Her gentle touch
I'll never know why
I miss her so much.

Poor John
Poor, sad, lonesome John,
Lonely, for his love is gone
He tries so hard, but can't move on
Poor, sad, forsaken John.

Poor, sad, troubled John,
Wakes up at the crack of dawn
And kills himself on his front lawn.
Poor, sad, desperate John.

Poor, sad, lonesome John,
Lonely, for his love is gone
He is dead, but she lives on
Poor, sad, departed John.

Jesus. What was wrong with me?

Confusion At the Doctors Office
I can't get enough
of this apple juice I'm drinking!
Wait, this isn't apple juice!!
What was I thinking?

Ah. That's better.

posted by John at 9:00 PM

Comments:

I still love Memories...it is on my black binder from high school...I love that binder..

posted by

The Freshness : 2/28/2006 9:09 PM

Kurt Russell... Did I ever tell you, when I was working with you when Mooney was out on vacation, about my friend and Kurt Russell?

My friend who lived in Colorado was at a candle store in Colorado Springs on Valentine's day a few years ago and guess who he saw in there? No one but the great Kurt Russell buying a candle for Goldie... Nice valentines gift huh?

He knew he had to say something to the guy, so he gets up the courage and walks up to him. He says hi to Kurt and Kurt replies kindly with a hi as well. This is the best part... My friend tells Kurt "I loved you in Overboard!" Kurt gives him this funny, "fuck you" smirk/smile and says "Thanks" rather similar to the tone he used in Overboard when talking to Goldie as the stuck up rich bitch right before she throws all his tools off her yacht into the water.

Well, that has nothing to do with your post, but hey, its better than me posting something like "I'm going to send this pah-kage to FedEx." like Joe.

posted by

Mike PSG : 2/28/2006 10:27 PM

I made that mistake.

I should have realised steam doesn't come off apple juice

posted by

Ultra Toast Mosha God : 3/01/2006 5:35 AM

It's too bad when actors think they're above some of their work. According to the Sneeze, John Cusack hates Better Off Dead. But my mom loves Overboard. It's a great movie. I think it's one of those movies that's developed a cult following over the years, but the cult isn't very organized, so no one knows that there actually is one.

posted by

John : 3/01/2006 6:55 AM

Not liking a movie you once did is one thing, but to be a dick to someone who did like it and says so is just plain mean.

posted by

NYPinTA : 3/01/2006 10:35 AM

I think he was ready to be on the defensive. He probably thought the guy was being sarcastic. Like if you saw Scott Baio and said, "Man, you ROCKED in Zapped!"

posted by

John : 3/01/2006 10:39 AM

Oh my god! I forgot about that movie!! Hahahahahaaha.

Oh, and I have some... I guess you could call them poems that just SUCK. One starts, "Sleep, fall on me heavy, and take away the day..." and they just. get. worse.

posted by

NYPinTA : 3/01/2006 10:44 AM

I loved Overboard. It's one of my favorite no-thinking movies. Jason Patric hates The Lost Boys, and he gets pissed if someone even mentions him being in it.

There for the first few poems, I was going to say "Get thee to a therapist!" But then there was the last one, and I knew you were perfectly normal. Whew!

posted by

trinamick : 3/01/2006 11:54 AM

That Poor John one really wasn't some kind of cry for help; I was just looking for words that rhyme with John. I suppose I could have used "mows the lawn" or maybe something about Kurt Russell buying candles for Goldie Hawn.

posted by

John : 3/01/2006 12:09 PM

Here's the 2006 version:

Poor, sad, tired John,
Wakes up at the crack of dawn
To pick the dog poop up off the lawn.
Poor, sad, cranky John.

Poor, sad, weary John,
Bored because there's nothing on
Flips through the channels and stops at Tron
Poor, sad, forsaken John.

Poor, sad, penniless John,
Tries to find something to pawn
Perhaps this bust of Goldie Hawn
Poor, sad, broke-ass John.

posted by

John : 3/01/2006 12:25 PM

Well, you're no Walter de la Mere, but I think some of those poems are enjoyable...maybe with a few less suicide references.

posted by

Shatterfist : 3/01/2006 1:29 PM

Oh, when will I be able to crawl out from under the shadow of Walter de la Mere?

posted by

John : 3/01/2006 1:31 PM

It all makes sense now.

posted by

Stellar : 3/01/2006 2:04 PM

If it weren't for the heartsick, where would modern music be today? Remember when Billy Joel wrote good songs? And then he fell in love with Christie Brinkley, and his stuff just turned to sap, gumming up your record needles? And then they got married and your CD player kept trying to reject the disc? And then she dumped him for some ski instructor who rescued her from the crashed helicopter (or something like that)? And then he wrote some really great, angry shit, and then he quit to write symphonies?

You don't?

Fuck.

Well, when I was just out of high school and the love of my life was in the process of dumping me (only I didn't know it at the time), and she hadn't called me in...oh...three weeks, I wrote this:

Every breath a sigh
Every feeling blue
All this time apart
Every thought of you.

What a sick bastard I was.

posted by

Farrago : 3/01/2006 10:39 PM

you should use "juan" it rhymes with john...

posted by

mike-psg : 3/02/2006 12:55 AM

Nice one g_s. Especially about the apple juice. Reminds me of a story...

posted by

LL : 3/02/2006 9:53 AM

"Crawl out from under a shadow?" That's the most ridiculous thing I ever heard.

You have a very... special talent. Don't let it die! Go work more of your magic here. Or, here.

posted by

Spirit Of Owl : 3/02/2006 10:08 AM

" Nice one g_s. Especially about the apple juice. Reminds me of a story..."

If you have pictures for this one, I think I'll pass.

"Crawl out from under a shadow? That's the most ridiculous thing I ever heard."

It's a very heavy shadow. :P

posted by

John : 3/02/2006 11:44 AM

Happy Times Are Here At Last.

So sick of Life
Tired of Strife
Future looks Bleak
I'm feeling Weak
Ready to Die
Noone will Cry
Here comes the Knife
Ending my Life
Features go Slack
All is now Black Time now to Sleep
As Death starts to Creep
And the wind Blows
Bringing the Crows
To pick at my Bones
As I die Alone

posted by

The Freshness : 3/02/2006 2:46 PM

See, it's all your fault, you crazy bad influence!

posted by

John : 3/02/2006 2:57 PM

Who...surely not me...

posted by

The Freshness : 3/02/2006 3:39 PM